I think im going to throw up on grandma
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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