You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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