I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
