Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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