grandma shit on top of the toilet
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
