Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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