Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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