i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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