We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
