Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
