I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
