I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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