i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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