I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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