I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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