Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
