Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
