Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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