He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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