He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
