belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
