I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
