Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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