I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
