I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
