i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
