i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
