just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
