Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
