Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
