Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
