I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
