I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
