Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
