yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
