Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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