I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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