the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
