there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
