VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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