my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he thought i was a dude.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Use "feeling words"
Yay
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
