I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You may now shotgun with the bride
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
