It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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