I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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