You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
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