People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
