What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
they're like a gay fantastic four
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
