Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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