I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
