I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
