Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Sponge bath it is.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
