Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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