well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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