yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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