All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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