I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
