I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
