U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
